Why I'm STILL in therapy.......

This exchange between me and my sister (which began with me asking my oldest daughter a question about a piece of furniture that my mother gave to me, and I gave to oldest daughter) hits the nail on the head if one wants to know why I am in therapy.  Here goes:

It starts with this:

Mariann:  S32 (oldest daughter), do you have EEE's (my mother) tea cart from her dining room set?  I have a sinus infection and so does M(12).

S:  i never had eee's tea cart--hope you guys feel better

Yesterday at 9:51pm ·

Mariann: the piece that the top opened up and became behemothly (?) large?

12 hours ago ·

LuLu (my sister):   Yeah, you had it. It used to have candy hidden in it in 1971. I wanted to check and see if it was still there one day at your house. I think it was 2009...

11 hours ago ·

Mariann:  i know she had it -- she just doesn't know it was called a 'tea cart' -- it should have been called the 'stuff it under there, we have no room for it' cart.

11 hours ago ·

Mariann: btw, I ate the candy. (((YUM)))

11 hours ago ·

LuLu:  Did you eat the nuts for Mah Jhong too?

11 hours ago ·

Mariann: Yes. But I told mom you did. That's why she threw her shoe at you when you were running up the kitchen stairs.

11 hours ago ·

LuLu:  Fat cow/Skinny duck.

11 hours ago ·

Mariann: Better I should have raised pigs......I would have sausage.

11 hours ago ·

LuLu:  I'm going to get a room and go live all by myself.(This one is still in use.)

11 hours ago ·

Mariann:  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. When you do something wrong, walk across the street, point to this house and say: THAT's where I USED to live.

11 hours ago ·

Mariann:  obviously i have done something the police are at my door.....really.....no sh*t.

11 hours ago ·

Mariann:  ok-- all is well. kids let the dog out without turning off the alarm. I thought it was the homeschool police.

11 hours ago ·

LuLu:  ‎"When you do something wrong, walk across the street, point to this house and say: THAT's where I USED to live" was the "Sex Talk". Explains alot.

10 hours ago ·

Mariann:  it.certainly.does.

10 hours ago ·

LuLu: I had to learn about sex from books because my mom wouldn't tell me anything. I asked many times as a child "how the baby got out of the mother's body". The answer was always, "it just happens. God does it." Imagine my surprise as an OBGYN when I realized that this was not always true.

10 hours ago ·

Mariann: Explains alot.  'I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies, Mis' Scarlett!'

10 hours ago ·

S:   Are you two having fun and amusing yourselves? The "teacart" or buffet as I called it was sold this summer with the rest of the dining room. It was part of the payment for the bathroom- go figure

9 hours ago ·

Mariann:  Actually, I was totally serious - I must have missed when it was sold. Anyway, mariano assumed something had happened to it when he broke into your garage earlier (just kidding) and didn't see the dining room set. And, it's a tea cart - it becomes a buffet when one opens the top and puts food on it. Lulu turned it into a trip down memory lane.

7 hours ago ·

LuLu: ‎"Buffet" as in Warren or Jimmy, or is it Bufee as in rhyming with touche or away? OK, I'll stop now.

2 hours ago ·

Mariann:   You probably never saw the episode of 'Mad About You' -- Here's 10 minutes of the best of show -- 4:30 is the buffet part but the whole thing is classic.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Fl_9vP5I4

And, that is why I could have bought myself the most gorgeous Vuitton handbag last month BUT FOR THE FACT that I wrote a check to the therapist instead.  My mother (EEE) has the most amazing collection of Vuitton.  Go figure.

The POLICE were just here ----No, not Sting and the others............

The Men in Blue -

Never a freaking dull moment!

  Must be a slow morning.

'Who's at the door?' the twins asked nervously, peering out the front window.

 'It's the police!'  E (11) shrieks.

Seems that the twins let the dog out w/out turning off the alarm.

Not one to let an opportunity pass by, I responded:  'Oh no!  It's the EX-homeschool police!  An unannounced visit.  I've heard of those kinds of visits, but I didn't really believe they made them.' 

You have never seen two kids produce pencils and spelling books faster in your life. Tee-hee!

More's the pity that on Sunday, the twins busted my digital camera by trying to take a photo of DD11 throwing the enormous Beach Body Exercise Ball at DS11 who was holding the camera trying to preserve it for all perpetuity.  Otherwise, a photo of the look on their faces would have been.......um....priceless! 

Said photo would also, alas, have clearly shown M(11)'s bruised eye from said exercise ball smacking said camera into his face.